Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Two words: blizzard sex
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
