who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
