Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
