Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
