Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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