so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
