Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
