i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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