Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
