he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I need water and some morals
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
