Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
zippers are such a cool invention
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
