my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
