I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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