whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
