At least make sure they are 18
Why
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
