I wish I could teleport
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
