some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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