I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You took a bar mat shot.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
