drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
