WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
