I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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