if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize