Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my sisters under your porch take her home
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
