Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
