Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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