i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
