They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
