it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
