so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
