Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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