I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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