I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I could make wine with my vomit
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
