If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
