I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
