i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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