I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
