Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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