So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
As shirtless as possible
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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