dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
