Moan for me like Helen Keller
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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