pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
