I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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