you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
