3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Drunk is a universal language darling
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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