everyone is single if you try hard enough
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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