4 words: hood of his car
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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