We're facebook friends in real life
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
