Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize