Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
