i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
