U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
