my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
