You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
