Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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