Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
