the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
