I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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