you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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