Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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