Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
