I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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