I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
