It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Welp...herpes.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Are we still banned from the library?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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