i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
