Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
