i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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