am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
